To (slow) clap or not to (slow) clap?

I have become an accomplice in the government doublespeak by joining in the Clap for Carers. I find it hard to be true to mine own self.

For the ninth Thursday on 21 May, people across the UK once more clapped for carers. With a good number of underlying conditions, I am more than grateful to the NHS and to all carers, and always express it in person given the chance. I joined in the clapping for the first two weeks: it was a heart-warming idea, a new social ritual that tightens community bonds in neighbourhoods and the nation, a collective action that makes us feel we need each other, and we are all in this together.

But as the weeks passed, I grew increasingly skeptical. PPE shortages notwithstanding, Matt Hancock fired out his well-rehearsed praise for the NHS workers, and hijacked the clapping. Boris, fresh out of hospital, also expressed his gratitude to the NHS staff that saved his life, and joins in the clapping every week. Yet his lame, callous explanation at last Wednesday’s PMQs that the surcharge for foreign health staff is necessary for NHS finances, shows up his clapping as starkly hypocritical.

At PMQs on 21 May, Sir Keir Starmer and Ian Blackford said that you cannot give with one hand and take with the other. In other words, we simply cannot clap and slap. I wonder if Priti Patel also claps; now that will be the mother of all hypocrisy.

After the debacle at PMQs an anonymous consultant argued that he does not want people clapping for him. Thank God that Annemarie Plas who started the ritual suggested that it be ended now.

Shall we replace it with a slow clap for Dick and Dom?